#we just had our session one
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Daily Poem 6/9/24
Spirit ball slam even out of the grandstands Tryin'a stay low but I never can go slow Escort quest sounds like the best rest At least until they started throwing bombs?! Kick it back fast, but that triggered the blast Ears ringing, feet stinging, but I'll never be last Take them all out, gotta make it all count Bob and weave, no reprieve, make them all doubt
~Swan
#daily poetry#6/9/24#poetry#read aloud#ttrpg poetry#ttrpg#dnd#Ferris Frye#we just had our session one
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Bungie once again COMING FOR MY FUCKING LIFE.
I- I'm... I'm going to scream.
#I-#HE ALMOST WISHED WE HAD KILLED HIM IN LIGHTFALL#the possession was that bad he almost wished we had killed him I CANNOT DO THIS#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUNCTION KNOWING THIS#BUNGIE. WTF#'I know it will take time for you to feel safe again' i am not ok#i hope one day we get a canon interaction between yw and ghost addressing our traumas... like come on bungie you know how much we love ghos#we finally got the hug at the end of final shape#please give us the conversation as well im begging you#MAN. I- FUCK. THIS LORE.... JUST. *explodes*#manifesting canon ghost and yw therapy session please#destiny 2#destiny 2 spoilers#the final shape spoilers#destiny 2 echoes#echoes spoilers#destiny ghost
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My favorite phrase that has come out of one of my DND sessions has to be;
"The river Styx is now an ocean..."
It's just so good
#dnd homebrew#dnd#we just had a Halloween oneshot session and it was so much fun!!#also our DM added in one of my niche interests and that made me very happy
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I find it funny how the fandom (or, at least, a part of the fandom I see a lot) has latched onto the "Moon is obsessed with rules" headcanon. True, he's the one that comes after Gregory for "punishment time", but...
Sun is the one calling the player a rulebreaker and kicking a literal kid straight into the less-than-friendly Glamrocks' waiting arms (for accidentally turning the lights off. As if Gregory would know touching a Freddy shaped security box would do that. If it even was Gregory and, idk, ""someone"" disabling the power in the daycare on purpose). Sun is the one nearly popping his circuits if you don't follow his instructions. Sun is the one threatening to release Moon on you if you so much as colour a page wrong. Sun is the one getting frustrated with Cassie if she screws up somehow (haven't played Ruin in a while, but I do think he freaks out if you approach him in the VR world after only disabling one - or zero - generators).
Moon on the other hand? Moon is fizzyfazzing vibing (well, not in Ruin for obvious reasons). Fulfilling his task and getting the kid? Sure sure, let him just jump from leg to leg first, and walk in a goofy way at an extremely slow pace (even Monty with no legs balancing himself on crutches would probably move faster), while giggling and alerting the entirety of the daycare to his precise jingly location. He only starts taking it seriously and entering the structures when you get some generators on, and even then he's still messing around. The robot cares more about his jester theatrics than his goddamn job. If Moon really does security patrols like many people believe he does, half of them are (or were, prior to the virus) probably him tormenting a poor overworked security guard (rip Vanessa, if you're out there...).
Don't take me wrong. I love a Moon who follows the rules to a malicious degree as much as the next person. And he does seem set on putting Gregory down to sleep and punishing him. He does seem intent on harming you in HW2. But let's be real, Moon doesn't give a shit about his job half the time - doing a goofy walk, riding a carousel... those are much better. If he gets to scare someone while doing it, jackpot for him. We only really see him struggle in Ruin, as far as I recall. Sun is the one running around like a bossy headless chicken trying to get everything in order.
I think it's because Moon is the one who directly says "you must be punished" and harms you? But even then my man jumps on the table, does a goofy move, and flies off to give Gregory some time to hide for their little hide and seek game. Sun is the one getting freaked out and throwing you out without any preamble after the lights turn on.
Again, not shitting on anyone. I just think it's so funny. I legitimately cannot imagine Moon being that serious unless 1) a real intruder is at the pizzaplex, not some snotty kid; 2) Vanny tells him to; 3) something actually dangerous is happening and he's not high on whatever virus is going around.
#dca#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#daycare attendant#fnaf sb#slowly replaying through security breach again#got to the daycare section today but I'll restart it#I meant to be taking screenshots of the game while playing but got lost messing with my girl Chica lmao#anyway. moon is so fucking goofy.#I had forgotten just how goofy he is#The only time I actually got uneasy on his section was when he crawled inside the play structures#now THAT is creepy#ten out of ten they should have a session where he's sprinting at you on all fours and you gotta move from side to side to dodge him#him and monty could team up for that#I'm rambling sorry. let's get back on topic#sun is on the verge of a breakdown over the smallest thing and we really should make him be the rule oriented bossy one#also I choose to believe gregory DID NOT turn off the power accidently#i like to think our rabbit lady was the one somehow doing it.#just because I choose to believe she's behind the silly crap that happens in sb and we just don't see it#i call it the vanny copium.#Also. On the ☀️🌙🐰 parallels. Vanessa is the security guard. Makes more sense for the paralel if Sun is the stricter one.#imo of course#opinions welcome tho!
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More animation frame screenshots whoop whoop! I swear it’s almost comedic how he’s managed to hijack my YouTube channel and gain me a baffling amount of new subscribers from OUT OF NOWHERE WHA- someone needs to stop him before this happens again I’m scared /j. It’s been fun watching the numbers increase in real time if not a tad overwhelming, but thankfully it mostly makes me feel appreciative more than anything else. Hopefully it’s made people laugh or helped inspired others <3
I would have talked myself out of sharing it otherwise…so glad I made the right decision with posting there. Took a leap of faith and now I feel validated for doing so. I just hope that I’m doing the characters justice even if adding my own unique spin on it. Plus gotta take a step back and remind myself that viewership isn’t what makes the world go round. Wouldn’t want the numbers getting to my head this early on and intervening with my creative visions jksjskp! I get easily influenced sometimes so finding a healthy balance for it is key :))
In meantime enjoy the facial doodles I love drawing expressions hehe
#yeah so funny enough might have just had another character growth moment here with myself YIPEEE#turns out I was the one holding myself back for so long#which honestly shouldn’t be a suprise for me but here we are <<#but I felt conditioned to suppress my interests from others and can’t even pinpoint why that was? Or how it started?#it’s just been something I’ve grown to struggle with throughout middle school & high school#think I internalized being a people pleaser and acting the role of who others perceived me to be?#NO CLUE we don’t got enough time for a therapy session *throws it all out the window*#point being that FINALLY I’ve broken out of that cycle#and with the success of the animation I’m finally realizing ‘HUH wait it’s actally a good thing to share nerdy fanart?’#because I labeled myself as an exception who couldn’t be allowed to do that#moral of story: anxiety messes with you and limits your creative freedom#you just need to stop caring about how others will react and GO FOR IT!! Because in reality you won’t be ridiculed for doing so#it’s just that we are so self critical and one of our biggest fans/haters all at once#but sharing fanart is perfectly acceptable and fun to do. Don’t limit yourself from doing something you want to <3#wip frames#wip animation frames#hplonesome art
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there's a very specific kind of vibe that comes with living with your friends in final year that it just does not have in first year or even second year. like as a fresher it's usually the first time any of you have lived away from home let alone with SO MANY people your age and it's terrifying and exciting and randomised to boot so it's generally carnage for a whole year in the best and worst ways, and then second year you pick who you're living with and it feels like for the first time you're doing this adult thing PROPERLY. you have a place of your own now. these are the people you've chosen to live with. studying gets serious etc. but it's still fresh. it's still new. you still don't know how to navigate it. but final year? final year is when you actually get it right. you know how to manage your time better. you know what works for you and what doesn't. studying is the main focus and you've been out in the world for three years now and it's not loud and boisterous like it was in first year and you're not exciteable and awkward like you were in second year. you're comfortable. every single one of my flatmates has their own friend group and we mainly keep to our own social circles, but we'll still meet each other back at the house after a night out and sit in the kitchen or my room to do the debrief. sometimes i'll go days not seeing either of them despite sharing a house but every now and then someone will softly call up the stairs that 'the heating's on!' or one of us will sneeze and the other two will yell 'bless you!' through the walls. the lack of interaction isn't interpreted as dislike in ways it would have been even last year, because we're all just old enough to be past that now and settled enough in our friendship not to worry about it. idk. uni is very loud and unsettling a lot of the time so it's been really sweet to see how almost boringly comfortable final year is.
#like my day today was literally drag myself out of bed at 10am to meet my econ friends bc we're in a group together#and i spent two hours with them writing a fucking TRADE REPORT before coming home#and the rest of the day was kinda lost. i showered. i put a wash on. i had a nap. i mainly stayed in my room#which sometimes is the End Of All Things but today was quite nice#and i can hear in their rooms how my flatmates are doing the exact same thing. pottering about and getting on with uni#and we've barely spoken all day but earlier my one flatmate ran into my room all excited to show me her nails#bc she's been teaching herself to do gels and it took her 2 hours but im still one of the first people she wanted to show#and just now we all went to use the bathroom at the same time and it led to one of our Stair Sessions#where we all inexplicably just gather on the stairs and chat for no reason with a cup of tea#idk it's just nice. it's such basic shit but i can't belive in first year i used to spend EVERY DAY with these girls#and we were one single friendship group and that was all we had#and then in second year one girl branched off bc she lived in a studio and got into her societies#but me and the other girl lived together again and it was the same thing of she was a friend before she was someone i lived with#and weirdly that can actually be detrimental to a dynamic. but this year we're all just very solidified and confident in ourselves#and where we stand and yes we all have our own friendship groups outside of the house now#but there's still that love and simple comfortableness around each other that you only get with time and a hell of a lot of proximity#and a sense of being settled that maybe is just what happens as you get older#idk it's just really nice. if i had this exact same day in first year (doing economics and barely leaving my room)#it would've been a really bad depressive day for me so the fact i can find such contentment from it now is really heartening#i love my little life here im very proud of what ive been able to achieve :)#hella goes to uni#feeling nostalgic because SOME BITCH decided to ribs post
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social anxiety destroyed that party was awesome and I'm so glad it happened
#my manager invited a couple people who had already quit but didnt have a specific going away party#and luckily they are all extreme chatterbots who ALSO dont have to be mindful about shit talking since they dont work here anymore lol#so i didnt feel pressured to be the center of attention either#and it was just rly nice we actually spent a good portion of it just talking about our pets LMAO#it was rly fun :) we also planned a zumba session together HAHAHA bc one of my ex-coworkers is an instructer#and im genuinely excited to go ahhhhh#i was nervous bc a lot of my team are very socially introverted#so im so thankful for all the extroverts who did show up and made it a great time#and ofc the introverts too we just needed someone who can help lead a convo shfbnsjsjsjhd#0.txt
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#airika txt.#i was so scared that the session today would be like awkward after finding out my therapist was leaving at the end of june#but lemme tell youuuuuuu 😭#i’m going to miss her so so SO much#this was probably one of the best and most soul bearing sessions we’ve had#and the fact it coincides with the nearly one year mark since starting therapy#it just … it feels good?#there was a lot of crying a lot of laughing#but i’m also so like honored i got to have this convo with her#we talked a lot about hell***** and how the games have really opened up old wounds#and closed ones i didn’t even know were opened#i’m super thankful i could be as open as i was with her bc i do not think i would have been able to be as vulnerable with a new person#and idk if they would have known how to respond like she did#she’s honestly one of the easiest people to talk to and i’m just —#yeah i feel very lucky that THIS convo is one i got to have with her before our time together ended#it feels very much … like closing the door on a part of me that needed to be validated and nurtured and understood#so that this next door / therapist can help me on the rest of my healing journey
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mannn it doesn't feel good to vague about a friend that's not on tumblr but I swear if another tabletop group falls apart because she cannot handle literally any inter party conflict that only she knows about I'm gonna be really frustrated
#literally I don't know WHAT she's so upset about nobody knows she just started crying and left mid session#and apparently it's been bothering her since like our earliest sessions before she switched characters??#and she just didn't say anything and we're all grasping at straws because everything seemed completely fine until now#like. is she upset that the party is opting to take a different path than the one she wanted??#I cannot make heads or tails of it and it's really hard not to be angry that this is the second time this has happened#like first time I'll take blame because I was playing a prickly grouch of a character and got too into that angle#but it's still the second time she's just not addressed or brought up player to player or interparty issues#until it reached a point where we had to stop the session
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also today me and an exchange student i became tentative but earnest friends with over the semester realised we're probably never going to see each other again it's all so strange how quickly you can start missing people
#we had the same lit class and we didnt talk for the first many weeks but i thought she was really smart and i had a little#freakout session about byron and shelley and keats to her and we discussed literature we like while i walked her home and it was great we#understood each other swimmingly and now she'll be so far away. but i hope we'll keep in touch id like to get to know her better shes great#we also braced ourselves and went up to our syntax lecturer together whos a delightful little clown but just as well i gaze at him in#wonder for 45 minutes every week barely comprehending anything he says. and he uploaded some sample questions for the exam and it's#it's not good lads#and today he said 'i read on markmyprofessor that im incomprehensible and i should present the material as a teacher'#and then he explained one thing completely plainly and we all understood what he explained just then and it was wondrous#then he went back to his mind games and allegories and stuff immediately and my minute of relief was over#and i really do wish hed done the whole lecture series *vaguely germanic accent* 'tanárként'#because he can and he just doesnt. silly. and difficult for me. but well maybe i'll figure it out by the time the exam comes around#my post
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The fucking disconnect is so real.
#theo's thoughts#Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags#So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question#The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom#To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for#Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this#I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Friday‚ Monday‚ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break#When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it#My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there#But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education#And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher#These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months#Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the change‚ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email#Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired
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We're both absolutely zonked after this weekend. I have some thoughts on it that I'll have to write up later but it was very good for me to see a completely different group of dog trainers with completely different training methods than my usual training group. I do fully plan to integrate things between the two because both do things I like and both do things I don't but I'm pleased to see that I actually do not intend to change how I started Tassie when it comes to next puppy but I also do intend to go into more than what my normal group will allow.
For her, the first day was kind of a wash because this group trains so different than I do, so Tassie didn't understand the rules of the game and the instructor here didn't allow me to help her on day one so it wasn't entirely fair to her. He did change his opinion on her entirely between the two days, once I was allowed to work my dog the way I work my dog. We went from "she doesn't have it" to "okay she actually has a lot we just need to do foundational work with her". But we did a TON of work with social pressure on day two and actually put some stress on her and I think he was very surprised that my socially anxious dog that refused to engage with him for an entire day was willing to work through a ton of pressure just because I asked, including him actually getting on her other side during a sit and leaning on her so strong I was almost falling over. And through that she was still watching me and taking food and doing her absolute best to pretend he didn't exist which is exactly what I wanted. I think if I do another seminar with him after going back to some foundational work she's going to really surprise him.
#i was a little annoyed day one not going to lie#also our first run on day two#but after that first run i informed him what i wanted to do for the last run and once he saw it he was a bit thoughtful#not entirely his fault he doesnt know her and like i said our training methods are entirely different#but he did refuse to really try her and that bothered me#because i think if we had done day two stuff the day one we could have really branches out by day two#its okay though he plans to come back and in the meantime ill do more foundation work#try to get back out there to work with that other group at least a few times if i can#its just a long drive and shes kind of out of my budget for regular private sessions#which is not her fault but a fault of my own situation#anyways longer writeup coming later
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most of the fandom debates about who is responsible for what in Star Wars would be solved if folks remembered that the characters are not real and their choices were made by real life people with on-screen time constraints and deadlines
#which is not to say there isn’t a value in asking questions and engaging with characters in the text; far from it#but every time there is an argument that is like ‘well why didn’t yoda spend 30 minutes explaining therapy to anakin’#I’m just like. because it’s a movie. because that’s not how a screenplay works. because George is not a good writer.#an attempt was made. not a good one. but an attempt.#like we don’t have to like yoda’s response but I can confidently tell you there is no world in which the narrative momentum stopped and yoda#leads anakin through a CBT session. y’all.#fandom wank.#i’m aware this is Nothing but this one specific thing is annoying to me sometimes lmfaooo sorry#walkie talkie.#don’t even get me started on the arguments that the Jedi suck for letting palpatine be alone with anakin lmfaooo THEIR WORLD IS NOT OURS#WHERE EVERY DAY IS ANOTHER DAMN DISCOVERY of politicians doing freak shit. in character we know if they had any reason to believe palps was#Like That they would not let anyone near him#also. ALSO. using comics to justify shit that happens in the movies can sometiems work on a character level but we gotta be aware that we ha#have different writers with different points of view who are working RETROACTIVELY to make things fit and fill out undefined timelines#idk where I’m going with this but. tldr. I don’t know what we gain by going in circles about the same topic in an unuseful way#no shade to my mutuals btw. I’m just. I don’t get it.
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hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.
#purrs#the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships#are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings ar#PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on#EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!#the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im don#forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths#but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole#THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot t#the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i#im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally#never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be#and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not#regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that#there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold o#him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely#if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im jus#grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help f#from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effectiv#effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT#STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT#OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!!#delete later#my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and#compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i#swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD
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had my first dnd session and i ended up casting her little tiefling illusion spell almost every single turn instead of fighting
#fala be like : cast mildly annoying spell. cast mildly annoying spell. cast mildly annoying spell. cas#the first chunk of the fight i was trying to use her weapon but just kept rolling RLLY bad#so the team concluded she cant lift her weapon its too heavy for her#we had two people missing even tho it was the first session bc we kept having to reschedule so the dm was eventually just like u know what#they got space flu and are mia for one session#AND one of our teammates wouldnt come join the fight for like half of it#and fala couldnt LIFT HER WEAPON#do not know how we survived#our paladin has a 16 armor class and our cleric put a shield on him so everyone just stood behind him the whole dungeon and it was fine#anyway dnd is fun so far and i like drawing my little critter#rill'sart#my ocs
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Saw an earnest yet completely inaccurate or misinformed take and it's like okay fine fine just ignore that even tho they're out to lunch on what happened in that scene no need to comment keep it to yourself. Or at least your own post's tags
#as tho being fifteen and asking your friends to ask a favour for you is a personal slight#or that the bb game was planned weeks in advance when im pretty sure they said they found out the night bfor bc they won that game#at most it would have a week notice#that that was the schedule. and hlfre was a weekly club. not an event. a weekly activity#so like ya i gues ls could have asked for the reschedule but it was already clear eddie held no love for jocks so why would he think eddie#would do that for him? mike and dustin had better chances considering Dustin's closeness to eddie.#also playing a major session let alone a finale without one of your players sucks bc you play to have fun with friends#literally like. eddie is 19/20. lucas is 15. and already an outsider in hlfre as demod by the distain for 'jocks'#this aint all on him#and acting like lucas feeling like ddie doesnt like him is irrational is just. idk. insulting#i was trying to be vague and then wasnt lmao#basically if i were lucas i would have absolutely asked mynfriend who was club leaders fave to ask to reschedule dnd bc#i wasnt expecting our team to get to the finals but still wanted to play the FINALE SESSION#i get the other members would have been bummed but like. 'we cant reschedule bc this guy graduates in three months and-'#'mike is gone for a week' comes off very 'you picked your side and i dont like it so now deal with it' to me#but the other members would just have a night off. it was already clear for hlfre. because it was hlfre night.#so itd be disappointing for them and maybe frustrating having to wait two weeks but.#idk id rather wait two weeks than have a missing party member. or a REPLACEMENT??? for the FINALE#like whatever you can think eddie was right for not rescheduling but it wouldn't have been the end of the world#tbh no wonder lucas didnt sit with all of them. i dont blame him at all#sorry for the tag rant its just. cannot believe folls think its lucas' fault.#also where is the teacher advisor for this club. why were they not making this decision.#also what if some of the other hlfr members wanted to go to the game?#they set up an interesting parallel of eddie ALSO being stuck in his veiw of the world and how one should act but did nothing with it#idk if i should tag this st or not for my own benefit or jsut. let it sit#finda's rambles#finda writes stuff#there. ill be able to find it maybe#idk feel free to reply to this post#i just got worked up into a protective rage on Lucas' behalf
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